{"product_id":"stay-away-from-me-until-ive-had-my-coffee-semi-glossy-wooden-framed-poster","title":"Stay Away Until I've Had Coffee (Semi-Glossy, Wooden-Framed Poster)","description":"\u003ch3 data-end=\"115\" data-start=\"90\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eThe Pre-Coffee Zone\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"184\" data-start=\"117\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eAt exactly 6:45 a.m., I rise from bed like a groggy swamp creature.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"386\" data-start=\"186\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMy family knows the rules. No eye contact. No questions. No sudden movements. Last time someone asked me where the car keys were before I had coffee, I just whispered, “Run,” and pointed to the woods.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"465\" data-start=\"388\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne time my neighbor said “Good morning!”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"432\" data-start=\"429\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eI blinked. He hasn’t tried again.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"563\" data-start=\"467\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOnce the coffee hits, I’m human again — polite, functional, maybe even pleasant. But until then?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"629\" data-start=\"565\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eApproach at your own risk.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"594\" data-start=\"591\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eI’m basically a grizzly with Wi-Fi.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1630\" data-start=\"1627\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1653\" data-start=\"1632\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Free Shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Fast Shipping  — delivery in 4-6 business days\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1817\" data-start=\"1774\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Free Returns — love it or return it\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1838\" data-start=\"1818\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Hilarious Gift\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1843\" data-start=\"1840\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2013\" data-start=\"1924\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e🧵 Details on returns, material \u0026amp; shipping?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"1967\" data-start=\"1964\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003eCheck the tabs below the \"Add to Cart\" button.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2018\" data-start=\"2015\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2086\" data-start=\"2020\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e😄 \u003cstrong data-end=\"2086\" data-start=\"2023\"\u003eCreate laughs, smiles, and confused stares. Grab yours now!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Harmless Humor","offers":[{"title":"30x40 cm \/ 12x16″","offer_id":50567653884177,"sku":"4b057c5b-efb8-41e0-9db3-7d9f34d129cb","price":69.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"45x60 cm \/ 18x24″","offer_id":50567653916945,"sku":"9466b73c-cf02-472b-aa07-714020c5813e","price":99.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"60x80 cm \/ 24x32″","offer_id":50567653982481,"sku":"1b525fd1-91e7-47b9-a4d4-57b82b849f7c","price":149.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0871\/9345\/2817\/files\/e08efefe-b6b9-47a1-85ab-d38d6c98723b.jpg?v=1745596464","url":"https:\/\/7c1e14-d4.myshopify.com\/products\/stay-away-from-me-until-ive-had-my-coffee-semi-glossy-wooden-framed-poster","provider":"Purely Funny","version":"1.0","type":"link"}