{"product_id":"stay-away-from-me-until-ive-had-my-coffee-unisex-hoodie","title":"Stay Away Until I've Had Coffee (Adult Unisex Hoodie)","description":"\u003ch3 data-end=\"115\" data-start=\"90\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eThe Pre-Coffee Zone\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"184\" data-start=\"117\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eAt exactly 6:45 a.m., I rise from bed like a groggy swamp creature.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"386\" data-start=\"186\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMy family knows the rules. No eye contact. No questions. No sudden movements. Last time someone asked me where the car keys were before I had coffee, I just whispered, “Run,” and pointed to the woods.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"465\" data-start=\"388\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne time my neighbor said “Good morning!”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"432\" data-start=\"429\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eI blinked. He hasn’t tried again.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"563\" data-start=\"467\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOnce the coffee hits, I’m human again — polite, functional, maybe even pleasant. But until then?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"629\" data-start=\"565\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eApproach at your own risk.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"594\" data-start=\"591\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eI’m basically a grizzly with Wi-Fi.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1630\" data-start=\"1627\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1653\" data-start=\"1632\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Free Shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Fast Shipping  — delivery in 4-6 business days\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1817\" data-start=\"1774\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Free Returns — love it or return it\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1838\" data-start=\"1818\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Hilarious Gift\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1843\" data-start=\"1840\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2013\" data-start=\"1924\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e🧵 Details on returns, fabric \u0026amp; shipping?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"1967\" data-start=\"1964\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003eCheck the tabs below the \"Add to Cart\" button.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2018\" data-start=\"2015\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2086\" data-start=\"2020\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e😄 \u003cstrong data-end=\"2086\" data-start=\"2023\"\u003eCreate laughs, smiles, and confused stares. Grab yours now!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Harmless Humor","offers":[{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":50567660601617,"sku":"c673c744-4e0b-40bd-9cfa-80ddc33f1eb6","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":50567660667153,"sku":"183dab7b-c4e0-4e60-aea2-29f819c8a6fd","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":50567660732689,"sku":"0720bbef-9941-4171-888a-d8e79e24df8d","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":50567660798225,"sku":"14974093-abd3-4b9a-a90d-0b61a81e0e28","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":50567660863761,"sku":"8e066dcb-0653-44e7-8ffd-e9f893034d45","price":51.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":50567660929297,"sku":"e56a3c4d-d800-40ed-9a49-6c33d64e1f60","price":53.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":50567660994833,"sku":"5e003b33-93a5-420e-8736-3601419b1aea","price":58.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 5XL","offer_id":50567661060369,"sku":"4a4d05e4-7244-4411-9cab-51bbee558116","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ S","offer_id":50567660568849,"sku":"8e0040a4-58f0-4c09-8644-5c1b58a0df3e","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ M","offer_id":50567660634385,"sku":"f5723fc4-f02c-4b4a-ac93-f9a8cafe2105","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ L","offer_id":50567660699921,"sku":"001f8d05-a53e-4520-a460-1707f7b4e0f9","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ XL","offer_id":50567660765457,"sku":"a2ba82a4-e0cf-4577-a71e-bdfc78b4b418","price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ 2XL","offer_id":50567660830993,"sku":"5f3cf611-9a75-42f0-b226-a9f8edf2d250","price":51.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ 3XL","offer_id":50567660896529,"sku":"40567dfb-064f-4431-bae1-5226b7f4374b","price":53.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ 4XL","offer_id":50567660962065,"sku":"b9a0f214-8b54-46eb-ab36-6cdcc147a730","price":58.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ 5XL","offer_id":50567661027601,"sku":"6d399d8b-4192-46fd-bedf-5631d54fd0cf","price":59.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0871\/9345\/2817\/files\/513c0b65-0f81-4d0e-a87d-399f9c6a4bb6.jpg?v=1749856429","url":"https:\/\/7c1e14-d4.myshopify.com\/products\/stay-away-from-me-until-ive-had-my-coffee-unisex-hoodie","provider":"Purely Funny","version":"1.0","type":"link"}