{"product_id":"stay-away-from-me-until-ive-had-my-coffee-unisex-t-shirt","title":"Stay Away From Me Until I've Had My Coffee (Adult Unisex T-shirt)","description":"\u003ch3 data-end=\"115\" data-start=\"90\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0); text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eThe Pre-Coffee Zone\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"184\" data-start=\"117\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eAt exactly 6:45 a.m., I rise from bed like a groggy swamp creature.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"386\" data-start=\"186\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMy family knows the rules. No eye contact. No questions. No sudden movements. Last time someone asked me where the car keys were before I had coffee, I just whispered, “Run,” and pointed to the woods.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"465\" data-start=\"388\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne time my neighbor said “Good morning!”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"432\" data-start=\"429\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eI blinked. He hasn’t tried again.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"563\" data-start=\"467\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOnce the coffee hits, I’m human again — polite, functional, maybe even pleasant. But until then?\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"\" data-end=\"629\" data-start=\"565\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eApproach at your own risk.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"594\" data-start=\"591\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eI’m basically a grizzly with Wi-Fi.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1630\" data-start=\"1627\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1653\" data-start=\"1632\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Free Shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Buy 2 for 20% Off | 3 for 25% | 4 for 30% (For any combinations of t-shirts sitewide)⚡Hurry — this deal could expire faster than your caffeine withdrawals!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Fast Shipping  — delivery in 4-6 business days\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1817\" data-start=\"1774\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Free Returns — love it or return it\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1838\" data-start=\"1818\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e✅ Hilarious Gift\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"1843\" data-start=\"1840\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2013\" data-start=\"1924\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e🧵 Details on returns, fabric \u0026amp; shipping?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"1967\" data-start=\"1964\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003eCheck the tabs below the \"Add to Cart\" button.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-end=\"2018\" data-start=\"2015\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2086\" data-start=\"2020\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"\u003e😄 \u003cstrong data-end=\"2086\" data-start=\"2023\"\u003eCreate laughs, smiles, and confused stares. Grab yours now!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Harmless Humor","offers":[{"title":"White \/ No Sleeve Signature \/ S","offer_id":51558802227473,"sku":"21480637-a4bc-42b7-8934-b44d8719afb2","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ No Sleeve Signature \/ M","offer_id":51558802260241,"sku":"7e38c47c-d407-4d69-910e-2a1a134fd2c1","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ No Sleeve Signature \/ L","offer_id":51558802293009,"sku":"65a6f6ba-5f16-4469-81dd-846c3e2d7efe","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ No Sleeve Signature \/ XL","offer_id":51558802325777,"sku":"95c11f67-9e33-4373-ab20-2752cf52668d","price":27.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ No Sleeve Signature \/ 2XL","offer_id":51558802358545,"sku":"25a9b9a6-30b5-48f7-b877-38aff2eaaf68","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ No Sleeve Signature \/ 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